fight or flight

I grew up with 3 brothers and when a situation comes up where I feel threatened, my first instinct is to fight.

Often times I find myself in situations where I don't feel safe. Like in an office environment that is unhealthy. If there's a lot of gossiping or finger pointing, I feel threatened. I begin to worry about what people are saying about me. I basically stop trusting. Stop feeling safe. I then become defensive and worrisome. I try to predict the thoughts or actions of the people around me and take preventative measures. It truly feels like I'm going into battle each day.

What's my plan for the day? If they say this, then I'll say . . . . And so on . . . . . .

Not exactly a peaceful existence.

This morning, I found myself feeling the urge to run. The flight response. I thought, I'll just find another job. I'm sure God doesn't really need me to stay at this particular job. :)

But, I knew better. This is not for me to decide on my own. I have given God control over my life and my daily actions. I want to live to glorify him. Not me. I know that he loves me and he has a plan for me. I surrendered my life to him once more. As I need to do every day. I prayed and cried and asked only for wisdom of his will for me. For today. One day at a time.

God is always good and always generous with his wisdom. I understand now that he wants me to stay and fight- if even just for today. But the battle plan that I had devised was not in line with his. He wants my hands to be his hands. My words to be his words. I want this too. He has showered me will love and grace and has brought me to a point in my life where I am able to do that for others. He has revealed to me that the battle is fought by showing his love through my actions and my words. He says that we will silence their words by our actions.

I will go, Lord.

Prayer for the day:
Dear Lord, help me to do your will. Fill me with your love and grace and help me to be a vessel. Make my thoughts, words and actions, yours, Lord. I surrender to your will. I know that you will make things right and that you know better than I.
Amen