The past couple of months have been so hectic and full of changes. When I think back on how I would have handled it a year ago, it's a bit frightening. :/
I am so grateful for God's faithfulness. He led me to a church that has proven to be caring, loving, supportive and surprisingly transparent in extending and admitting the need for grace. http://www.sunvalleycc.com/. There, I was able to attend a wonderful program called Celebrate Recovery, which helped me through my divorce and issues with pain and hurts from my childhood.
The amount of healing that has taken place in my life over the past year is a miracle in itself. But, he hasn't stopped there. He is continuing to bless me and lead me and teach me.
I found such comfort in reading his word this morning.
Isaiah 41:10
Do not be afraid-I am with you! I am your God-let nothing terrify you! I will make you strong and help you; I will protect you and save you.
Isaiah 44:6
. . . . "I am the first, the last, the only God; there is no other god but me.
There was something about reading that he is the one true God and that he knows me and will never forget me. It made me feel joyful inside and happy. I know that his love never ends and that he created me and accepts me.
He is the only one . . . the one true God.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Praise be to God . . .
Not only has God shown his faithfulness to me, but I have seen this around me as well. In the lives of my friends. I am always amazed at how he loves us. I have learned not to underestimate the power of prayer. I know that God hears my prayers and that he speaks to me.
He has shown his faithfulness over and over again, in my life. One of the great things about this is that, as I turn to him consistently, his faithfulness helps grow my trust in him. He has always answered my prayers. Sometimes it is in a big way that I can't miss, other times the answer is a gentle imparting of wisdom and peaceful knowing.
The hardest times for me have been when he tells me I must wait. Sometimes I want things right away or in the timing that I think is right. But, I have learned that He knows so much better than I. His timing is perfect. He loves me and will direct me. He wants me to turn to him. I willingly do so, because I know that there is no better place to be than in his love.
Proverbs 30:5
God keeps every promise he makes. He is like a shield for all who seek his protection.
Prayer for the day:
I thank you God. I praise you for your love and faithfulness. You are my hope. I trust you, Lord. I seek your will.
Amen
He has shown his faithfulness over and over again, in my life. One of the great things about this is that, as I turn to him consistently, his faithfulness helps grow my trust in him. He has always answered my prayers. Sometimes it is in a big way that I can't miss, other times the answer is a gentle imparting of wisdom and peaceful knowing.
The hardest times for me have been when he tells me I must wait. Sometimes I want things right away or in the timing that I think is right. But, I have learned that He knows so much better than I. His timing is perfect. He loves me and will direct me. He wants me to turn to him. I willingly do so, because I know that there is no better place to be than in his love.
Proverbs 30:5
God keeps every promise he makes. He is like a shield for all who seek his protection.
Prayer for the day:
I thank you God. I praise you for your love and faithfulness. You are my hope. I trust you, Lord. I seek your will.
Amen
Thursday, October 15, 2009
trust issues
So, I was feeling worried about my new job at the end of last week, but this week has been the exact opposite. Isn't it funny how things can just turn around like that?
Well, I should say, it's a God thing. Because it is. I was so consumed with my own desire to feel welcomed and accepted that I couldn't see the opportunity that was given to me. I am truly blessed.
God is incredibly faithful and infinitely wise. No matter what the situation, if I choose to turn to God and do his will, I have peace.
My first memory verse was:
Philippians 4: 6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds, in Christ Jesus.
This verse has been so helpful and true to me.
I still get anxious and worry at times, but it doesn't consume me like it has before. I find that I don't dwell on things as often or for as long as I used to. The problem I kept having was basically a trust issue.
People would say, 'give it to God' or 'let go and let God', so, I would try to do this. (or so I thought) I would pray that God would take my worry or fear away. I would cry and beg for it to be taken from me. All the while, keeping a death grip on the problem because of my lack of trust.
Turns out, I wasn't really giving it over to God. I was saying it but I wasn't relinquishing control over it. Because I wasn't trusting God.
It's like, when my kids want to help me with something. I appear to let them help, but I'm usually standing guard or watching them like a hawk, ready to sweep in if they make a mistake.
But, if someone I trust offers to help, I can let them do it with peace of mind, trusting that they most likely won't mess it up.
As soon as I began to trust God, I was able to give him more and more of my life, knowing that he always works towards good in my life and that he knows better than I.
Peace at last.
Prayer for the day:
Thank you God for the peace that you give us. The peace that transcends all understanding. I love you God and want your will for my life. Stay close to me and guide me. I need you and want to be with you always.
Amen
Well, I should say, it's a God thing. Because it is. I was so consumed with my own desire to feel welcomed and accepted that I couldn't see the opportunity that was given to me. I am truly blessed.
God is incredibly faithful and infinitely wise. No matter what the situation, if I choose to turn to God and do his will, I have peace.
My first memory verse was:
Philippians 4: 6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds, in Christ Jesus.
This verse has been so helpful and true to me.
I still get anxious and worry at times, but it doesn't consume me like it has before. I find that I don't dwell on things as often or for as long as I used to. The problem I kept having was basically a trust issue.
People would say, 'give it to God' or 'let go and let God', so, I would try to do this. (or so I thought) I would pray that God would take my worry or fear away. I would cry and beg for it to be taken from me. All the while, keeping a death grip on the problem because of my lack of trust.
Turns out, I wasn't really giving it over to God. I was saying it but I wasn't relinquishing control over it. Because I wasn't trusting God.
It's like, when my kids want to help me with something. I appear to let them help, but I'm usually standing guard or watching them like a hawk, ready to sweep in if they make a mistake.
But, if someone I trust offers to help, I can let them do it with peace of mind, trusting that they most likely won't mess it up.
As soon as I began to trust God, I was able to give him more and more of my life, knowing that he always works towards good in my life and that he knows better than I.
Peace at last.
Prayer for the day:
Thank you God for the peace that you give us. The peace that transcends all understanding. I love you God and want your will for my life. Stay close to me and guide me. I need you and want to be with you always.
Amen
Monday, October 12, 2009
fight or flight
I grew up with 3 brothers and when a situation comes up where I feel threatened, my first instinct is to fight.
Often times I find myself in situations where I don't feel safe. Like in an office environment that is unhealthy. If there's a lot of gossiping or finger pointing, I feel threatened. I begin to worry about what people are saying about me. I basically stop trusting. Stop feeling safe. I then become defensive and worrisome. I try to predict the thoughts or actions of the people around me and take preventative measures. It truly feels like I'm going into battle each day.
What's my plan for the day? If they say this, then I'll say . . . . And so on . . . . . .
Not exactly a peaceful existence.
This morning, I found myself feeling the urge to run. The flight response. I thought, I'll just find another job. I'm sure God doesn't really need me to stay at this particular job. :)
But, I knew better. This is not for me to decide on my own. I have given God control over my life and my daily actions. I want to live to glorify him. Not me. I know that he loves me and he has a plan for me. I surrendered my life to him once more. As I need to do every day. I prayed and cried and asked only for wisdom of his will for me. For today. One day at a time.
God is always good and always generous with his wisdom. I understand now that he wants me to stay and fight- if even just for today. But the battle plan that I had devised was not in line with his. He wants my hands to be his hands. My words to be his words. I want this too. He has showered me will love and grace and has brought me to a point in my life where I am able to do that for others. He has revealed to me that the battle is fought by showing his love through my actions and my words. He says that we will silence their words by our actions.
I will go, Lord.
Prayer for the day:
Dear Lord, help me to do your will. Fill me with your love and grace and help me to be a vessel. Make my thoughts, words and actions, yours, Lord. I surrender to your will. I know that you will make things right and that you know better than I.
Amen
Often times I find myself in situations where I don't feel safe. Like in an office environment that is unhealthy. If there's a lot of gossiping or finger pointing, I feel threatened. I begin to worry about what people are saying about me. I basically stop trusting. Stop feeling safe. I then become defensive and worrisome. I try to predict the thoughts or actions of the people around me and take preventative measures. It truly feels like I'm going into battle each day.
What's my plan for the day? If they say this, then I'll say . . . . And so on . . . . . .
Not exactly a peaceful existence.
This morning, I found myself feeling the urge to run. The flight response. I thought, I'll just find another job. I'm sure God doesn't really need me to stay at this particular job. :)
But, I knew better. This is not for me to decide on my own. I have given God control over my life and my daily actions. I want to live to glorify him. Not me. I know that he loves me and he has a plan for me. I surrendered my life to him once more. As I need to do every day. I prayed and cried and asked only for wisdom of his will for me. For today. One day at a time.
God is always good and always generous with his wisdom. I understand now that he wants me to stay and fight- if even just for today. But the battle plan that I had devised was not in line with his. He wants my hands to be his hands. My words to be his words. I want this too. He has showered me will love and grace and has brought me to a point in my life where I am able to do that for others. He has revealed to me that the battle is fought by showing his love through my actions and my words. He says that we will silence their words by our actions.
I will go, Lord.
Prayer for the day:
Dear Lord, help me to do your will. Fill me with your love and grace and help me to be a vessel. Make my thoughts, words and actions, yours, Lord. I surrender to your will. I know that you will make things right and that you know better than I.
Amen
Friday, October 9, 2009
a daily time with him
What a funk I was in today. It was just one of those days for me . . . where there was just this undercurrent of negativity. Not from the outside, but coming out from within.
I had stayed up a little later than usual last night, talking with a friend and when the morning alarm went off, I stayed in bed a little longer. It was so easy for me to just roll over and fall asleep. This had put me a little behind schedule and I didn't have enough time to devote to my morning Bible reading and journaling.
God has been so faithful to me and has blessed me more than I could ever have done for myself. I had been making it a habit to get up early in the morning and spend time in the word and in prayer. It had become a cherished and hope filled act.
Without having that time this morning, my day just felt off. I felt negative and critical. Of course, I attributed it to the faults of others. Chuckle. ;)
The truth of the matter is that I was angry with myself for not prioritizing my morning. I consistently made decisions that would make it more difficult for me to keep my morning date with God. This disappointment in myself just seem to linger under the surface of all that I did.
I know that God loves me just as I am. He doesn't expect perfection and I am sure that I will continue to make wrong choices here and there. But, I am grateful for the knowledge that he has given me. I am grateful that he is merciful and loving and always good. He wants the best for me and he knows best. So, those times that I set aside in the mornings are times when I show up to receive these amazing gifts that he holds for us daily. Each and every day. We show up and he gives us his gifts.
Wisdom, love, security in him. The best part is that he meets us wherever we are. Physically as well as spiritually. Whether we are just meeting him for the first time or if we've had a long relationship with him. No matter what we've said, thought or done. He loves us. And he has gifts for us all.
Daily Prayer:
Lord, I thank you for your blessings in my life. Thank you for knowing me and loving me as I am. I know that you are generous with your wisdom and that it will bring me peace. I will seek your will for my life for as long as I live.
Amen
I had stayed up a little later than usual last night, talking with a friend and when the morning alarm went off, I stayed in bed a little longer. It was so easy for me to just roll over and fall asleep. This had put me a little behind schedule and I didn't have enough time to devote to my morning Bible reading and journaling.
God has been so faithful to me and has blessed me more than I could ever have done for myself. I had been making it a habit to get up early in the morning and spend time in the word and in prayer. It had become a cherished and hope filled act.
Without having that time this morning, my day just felt off. I felt negative and critical. Of course, I attributed it to the faults of others. Chuckle. ;)
The truth of the matter is that I was angry with myself for not prioritizing my morning. I consistently made decisions that would make it more difficult for me to keep my morning date with God. This disappointment in myself just seem to linger under the surface of all that I did.
I know that God loves me just as I am. He doesn't expect perfection and I am sure that I will continue to make wrong choices here and there. But, I am grateful for the knowledge that he has given me. I am grateful that he is merciful and loving and always good. He wants the best for me and he knows best. So, those times that I set aside in the mornings are times when I show up to receive these amazing gifts that he holds for us daily. Each and every day. We show up and he gives us his gifts.
Wisdom, love, security in him. The best part is that he meets us wherever we are. Physically as well as spiritually. Whether we are just meeting him for the first time or if we've had a long relationship with him. No matter what we've said, thought or done. He loves us. And he has gifts for us all.
Daily Prayer:
Lord, I thank you for your blessings in my life. Thank you for knowing me and loving me as I am. I know that you are generous with your wisdom and that it will bring me peace. I will seek your will for my life for as long as I live.
Amen
Thursday, October 8, 2009
prayer
Today is day 4 of my new job. One that I had prayed for - for a while.
There's always that awkwardness of getting to know your new co-workers and letting them get to know you. Each person is so different and it is easy for me to make snap judgments or think I have them figured out from those first few encounters.
I am making a conscious decision daily, to not let that happen. I don't think that someone can know me in 4 days and consequently, how could I know them?
So, in the middle of my worried thoughts this morning, I realized that I hadn't turned it over to the Lord. The relationship part, I mean. I want God to control my actions and words as I go through each day. I am blessed and grateful that he has moved me into a new work environment, but my faith shouldn't stop at gratitude.
I know that he wants me to lean on him and to seek his will each day, each moment.
Prayer for the day:
Lord, I want to fulfill your will in my life. I want my actions and words to be yours. Please use my life each day, Lord, for your glory. I pray for wisdom of and strength to do your will. In your holy name, Lord.
Amen
There's always that awkwardness of getting to know your new co-workers and letting them get to know you. Each person is so different and it is easy for me to make snap judgments or think I have them figured out from those first few encounters.
I am making a conscious decision daily, to not let that happen. I don't think that someone can know me in 4 days and consequently, how could I know them?
So, in the middle of my worried thoughts this morning, I realized that I hadn't turned it over to the Lord. The relationship part, I mean. I want God to control my actions and words as I go through each day. I am blessed and grateful that he has moved me into a new work environment, but my faith shouldn't stop at gratitude.
I know that he wants me to lean on him and to seek his will each day, each moment.
Prayer for the day:
Lord, I want to fulfill your will in my life. I want my actions and words to be yours. Please use my life each day, Lord, for your glory. I pray for wisdom of and strength to do your will. In your holy name, Lord.
Amen
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