Praise God for his provision. He is faithful. Thank you God for your love and mercy!
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Myself in others
I have often seen myself in my children. Sometimes it's a good thing and other times, not so much. It's always a learning experience when God shines a light on my shortcomings.
One of the most wonderful life lessons I have learned is centered around this concept. When I find myself feeling hurt or frustrated by others, I ask the Holy Spirit to reveal times in my life when I, too, have done something similar. It never feels good to be judged or misunderstood, but the truth is that I know I have done these same things at various times in my life. We all have. If we have the courage to take an honest look at our own lives, we can admit that each of us falls short of perfection. But God loves us just as we are. Even though we were and are sinners, HE sent his SON to die for us. He has given us the gift of GRACE. Grace is unmerited favor. We cannot earn it. It is a gift. When we ask God to search us and reveal these truths to us, we gain the gifts of compassion and mercy through HIS gift of GRACE. In short, by admitting our own faults we can and should more easily forgive others.
In John 8:7, Jesus addresses this issue:
7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
In that moment, they were challenged to see themselves in her. They were asked to examine their own hearts and lives. Jesus wasn't telling them to have pity on her or to hear her life story and be moved to compassion and somehow allow themselves to forgive her. This type of detachment robs us of true forgiveness. The pastor at my church in AZ summed it up by saying, 'it is not possible to forgive someone if we think we are better than them.'
God recently freed me from the pain of feeling betrayed in friendship. After almost a year of feeling so deeply wounded, I finally have peace and love in my heart for my friend. It was not easy and I had to choose forgiveness hundreds of times. Feelings of anger and resentment would often rise to the surface and I would wrestle with them, cry out to God and turn them over to him. Over and over I asked God to reveal my part and to give me understanding. He did. In his mercy, he gently revealed to me times that I chose to say or not say things that might have caused her to have insecurities about our friendship. I saw myself in her.
Thank you God, for your mercy. Thank you for giving your Son, who died for our sins so that we may be forgiven.
One of the most wonderful life lessons I have learned is centered around this concept. When I find myself feeling hurt or frustrated by others, I ask the Holy Spirit to reveal times in my life when I, too, have done something similar. It never feels good to be judged or misunderstood, but the truth is that I know I have done these same things at various times in my life. We all have. If we have the courage to take an honest look at our own lives, we can admit that each of us falls short of perfection. But God loves us just as we are. Even though we were and are sinners, HE sent his SON to die for us. He has given us the gift of GRACE. Grace is unmerited favor. We cannot earn it. It is a gift. When we ask God to search us and reveal these truths to us, we gain the gifts of compassion and mercy through HIS gift of GRACE. In short, by admitting our own faults we can and should more easily forgive others.
In John 8:7, Jesus addresses this issue:
7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”
In that moment, they were challenged to see themselves in her. They were asked to examine their own hearts and lives. Jesus wasn't telling them to have pity on her or to hear her life story and be moved to compassion and somehow allow themselves to forgive her. This type of detachment robs us of true forgiveness. The pastor at my church in AZ summed it up by saying, 'it is not possible to forgive someone if we think we are better than them.'
God recently freed me from the pain of feeling betrayed in friendship. After almost a year of feeling so deeply wounded, I finally have peace and love in my heart for my friend. It was not easy and I had to choose forgiveness hundreds of times. Feelings of anger and resentment would often rise to the surface and I would wrestle with them, cry out to God and turn them over to him. Over and over I asked God to reveal my part and to give me understanding. He did. In his mercy, he gently revealed to me times that I chose to say or not say things that might have caused her to have insecurities about our friendship. I saw myself in her.
Thank you God, for your mercy. Thank you for giving your Son, who died for our sins so that we may be forgiven.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Insecurities
It's so crazy how quickly time passes. So much has happened in the past year. If I had to put it into one word, I would choose, 'shift'. My life has shifted dramatically in the past year. I no longer live in AZ and find myself at a point of surrender that leaves me feeling a little insecure in a few areas. My father passed away a year ago this past July and since then, I have longed to move back to my hometown and be closer to family.
There were many times I felt very alone in AZ, especially the past 6 years after going through a divorce. I kept thinking that if I could just be closer to family, I would feel more complete, whole, accepted. I knew that no situation is ever perfect, but I had hoped that the longing for community and belonging would be satisfied. I also wanted my 2 children to experience life knowing their family. I wanted them to spend birthdays and Holidays with their Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. I was concerned that they would grow up never understanding or experiencing those family dynamics.
So, at the end of June 2012, we sold or gave away almost all of our belongings, packed the remainder in a 5'x8' U-haul trailer and drove to PA. My mother was kind enough to let us live with her while we got our new lives in order.
The insecurities come into play with the transition. I took a job serving tables at my friend's restaurant and I also clean an office a few times a month. This is so different from the office jobs I held in AZ. I am used to having medical insurance, a 401k and benefits. Now, I am taking food orders, cleaning toilets and living on tips. Don't get me wrong, this was definitely my choice. It's just very different from what I knew before. I chose this work so that I could concentrate on other projects in which I felt God was calling me to devote time. The projects are centered around creativity, God and nature. I also am able to see my kids off in the morning and be here when they return from school. This is a HUGE Blessing.
Another transitional insecurity is in the area of relationships. And when I say relationships I mean friends and family. It has been challenging to get to know family again and as far as friendships go, it is difficult to try to maintain a solid connection long distance. I have been blessed to have made a new friend here in PA at the church I attend, but I do have to say, I really miss my friends in AZ. Sometimes I long for the familiar and think of all that I left behind in the move. But, I know that God is calling me to a deeper dependence on him. I can honestly say that I don't feel I've ever let go of as much 'control' as I have in this process.
The insecurity of not really having a plan of my own but relying on God, is one that is bitter sweet. I do wrestle with wanting to do things my way and creating a false sense of security by attempting to map my route. But I know that HE knows better than I. Total reliance on HIM each moment of every day is what HE wants. It is stepping out into the unknown if looking through the eyes of our society. Keeping my eyes on HIM and HIS will allow me to see things differently. An exciting journey of where HE wants to lead me.
Blessings,
Monica
There were many times I felt very alone in AZ, especially the past 6 years after going through a divorce. I kept thinking that if I could just be closer to family, I would feel more complete, whole, accepted. I knew that no situation is ever perfect, but I had hoped that the longing for community and belonging would be satisfied. I also wanted my 2 children to experience life knowing their family. I wanted them to spend birthdays and Holidays with their Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and cousins. I was concerned that they would grow up never understanding or experiencing those family dynamics.
So, at the end of June 2012, we sold or gave away almost all of our belongings, packed the remainder in a 5'x8' U-haul trailer and drove to PA. My mother was kind enough to let us live with her while we got our new lives in order.
The insecurities come into play with the transition. I took a job serving tables at my friend's restaurant and I also clean an office a few times a month. This is so different from the office jobs I held in AZ. I am used to having medical insurance, a 401k and benefits. Now, I am taking food orders, cleaning toilets and living on tips. Don't get me wrong, this was definitely my choice. It's just very different from what I knew before. I chose this work so that I could concentrate on other projects in which I felt God was calling me to devote time. The projects are centered around creativity, God and nature. I also am able to see my kids off in the morning and be here when they return from school. This is a HUGE Blessing.
Another transitional insecurity is in the area of relationships. And when I say relationships I mean friends and family. It has been challenging to get to know family again and as far as friendships go, it is difficult to try to maintain a solid connection long distance. I have been blessed to have made a new friend here in PA at the church I attend, but I do have to say, I really miss my friends in AZ. Sometimes I long for the familiar and think of all that I left behind in the move. But, I know that God is calling me to a deeper dependence on him. I can honestly say that I don't feel I've ever let go of as much 'control' as I have in this process.
The insecurity of not really having a plan of my own but relying on God, is one that is bitter sweet. I do wrestle with wanting to do things my way and creating a false sense of security by attempting to map my route. But I know that HE knows better than I. Total reliance on HIM each moment of every day is what HE wants. It is stepping out into the unknown if looking through the eyes of our society. Keeping my eyes on HIM and HIS will allow me to see things differently. An exciting journey of where HE wants to lead me.
Blessings,
Monica
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Changes
I know that sometimes things don't go as we plan. I also know that imagining how we would handle something is all together different from actually going through it. I like to refer to it as the difference between THEORY and APPLICATION. The major difference being that things are generally easier in theory. It's in the application or actual experience that we are challenged.
On July 27 my father passed away. In a past post I mentioned his struggle with pancreatic cancer. I am grateful that I had a chance to be with him during the last 2 weeks. To be honest, the entire journey with him from diagnoses to the funeral has been challenging, painful, beautiful, freeing, heartbreaking and profound to say the least.
God blessed me with incredibly special conversations with my father in the first months after his diagnoses. We talked about faith, life, family, living each day, regrets, forgiveness, love and so many other things. I truly believe that outside of this experience we would not have been able to share and connect in this amazing way. My father was a good man and anyone that knew him would say no different. He was always helping others and volunteering his time in the community. He did his best to set a good example and had such a strong work ethic. He gave himself fully to each project. He lived a life of creating. Creating stonework that contained the best of him. His work, to me, and hopefully others, is evidence of God. God is the Master Creator and has given gifts and skills that allow us to mirror his heart. I believe that my father achieved this in his life's work. What an example to follow.
Through his example, I have decided to step out in faith and not waste any time in fulfilling God's purpose in my life. I am putting my fear aside and moving forward in his love and protection.
We can do this together.
(Philippians 1:3-6)
3 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:3-6
(1 Thessalonians 5:11)
11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
On July 27 my father passed away. In a past post I mentioned his struggle with pancreatic cancer. I am grateful that I had a chance to be with him during the last 2 weeks. To be honest, the entire journey with him from diagnoses to the funeral has been challenging, painful, beautiful, freeing, heartbreaking and profound to say the least.
God blessed me with incredibly special conversations with my father in the first months after his diagnoses. We talked about faith, life, family, living each day, regrets, forgiveness, love and so many other things. I truly believe that outside of this experience we would not have been able to share and connect in this amazing way. My father was a good man and anyone that knew him would say no different. He was always helping others and volunteering his time in the community. He did his best to set a good example and had such a strong work ethic. He gave himself fully to each project. He lived a life of creating. Creating stonework that contained the best of him. His work, to me, and hopefully others, is evidence of God. God is the Master Creator and has given gifts and skills that allow us to mirror his heart. I believe that my father achieved this in his life's work. What an example to follow.
Through his example, I have decided to step out in faith and not waste any time in fulfilling God's purpose in my life. I am putting my fear aside and moving forward in his love and protection.
We can do this together.
(Philippians 1:3-6)
3 I thank my God every time I remember you. 4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
Philippians 1:3-6
(1 Thessalonians 5:11)
11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
open
I recently went through some serious growth and self evaluation. Of course it didn't feel that way while I was in the middle of the process. It felt more like a broken heart and loneliness.
I really hate that no matter how 'healthy' I get or how much I 'grow', I always seem to have this knee jerk reaction of not feeling worthy. I know that these thoughts are bad fruits of seeds that were planted long ago in my childhood. Logically,I can evaluate why I feel this way and eventually talk myself back into reality of knowing my value - but it is still the default emotion. Just the awareness of this reaction acts as compass to point me in the right direction.
What I realized is that I was so afraid of making a mistake or going in the wrong direction, that I had isolated myself to a very few 'safe' activities and friendships. I essentially created my own personal bubble. Now, when we're at the beginning of healing or going through some major life changes, this can be a good thing. But this retreating of sorts has gone on for a couple of years now. I wanted to be safe and avoid any type of pain or guilt. What I ended up doing is feeling the pain of self inflicted isolation.
Some good friends told me that they thought I was being way to 'careful' with life. Even my dad told me that I needed to go have some fun. :) I am so grateful to have these people in my life. I want to live my life, not stand and observe from a safe distance.
I feel so excited and grateful for the chance to live. REALLY LIVE. Even if it means getting hurt once in a while. I am finally open. Open to new experiences and new friends and allowing myself to enjoy life. I know that the Holy Spirit will guide me and keep me from going 'overboard'. I do not have to live in fear.
Thank you God for this lesson. Thank you for opening my heart to the beauty of this life.
I really hate that no matter how 'healthy' I get or how much I 'grow', I always seem to have this knee jerk reaction of not feeling worthy. I know that these thoughts are bad fruits of seeds that were planted long ago in my childhood. Logically,I can evaluate why I feel this way and eventually talk myself back into reality of knowing my value - but it is still the default emotion. Just the awareness of this reaction acts as compass to point me in the right direction.
What I realized is that I was so afraid of making a mistake or going in the wrong direction, that I had isolated myself to a very few 'safe' activities and friendships. I essentially created my own personal bubble. Now, when we're at the beginning of healing or going through some major life changes, this can be a good thing. But this retreating of sorts has gone on for a couple of years now. I wanted to be safe and avoid any type of pain or guilt. What I ended up doing is feeling the pain of self inflicted isolation.
Some good friends told me that they thought I was being way to 'careful' with life. Even my dad told me that I needed to go have some fun. :) I am so grateful to have these people in my life. I want to live my life, not stand and observe from a safe distance.
I feel so excited and grateful for the chance to live. REALLY LIVE. Even if it means getting hurt once in a while. I am finally open. Open to new experiences and new friends and allowing myself to enjoy life. I know that the Holy Spirit will guide me and keep me from going 'overboard'. I do not have to live in fear.
Thank you God for this lesson. Thank you for opening my heart to the beauty of this life.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
All who were willing . . .
We know and are told that we are a people blessed with talents and gifts from God. Sometimes these are more obvious gifts in the form of artwork or music and other times they are the less tangible gifts of communication, compassion and service. We have ALL been gifted with something. Something special to be used for the glory of God. Whether it's knowing how to bake a pie for someone or just being there to listen and encourage.
I have learned recently in my Bible reading that it is not enough to simply posses these gifts. We need to use them. To be more exact, we need to be WILLING to allow God to use the gifts he's given us in whatever way he chooses. I know for myself, I have spent decades holding back from using some specific gifts fearing that I was not worthy, or good enough to use those gifts. Taking the first step of acknowledging the gifts we posses can be scary enough, let alone actually putting them to use. Enter God and friends. Without the healing I've experienced through placing my trust in Jesus and the support of a few true friends, I wouldn't have been able to break through those mental and emotional barriers I had built up throughout my life. God, through his grace and mercy has shown me that HIS plan for my life is better than anything I could ever accomplish on my own. And when I feel that he is asking me to do something, no matter how scary, it is BETTER to follow his will . . . because I trust him. I trust in HIM more than in myself.
I know that he sees everything while I am only capable of seeing what is in the present. So, the key to his plan being fulfilled in my life, is to continually seek and follow his will in the present, because that is all I can do. And how wonderful is it that God is always good, always faithful and all powerful.
When I feel afraid of moving forward or am at a loss as to where or how to begin, I turn to his word and time with him. I ask for his wisdom and guidance and he reveals to me moment by moment, day by day, what he wants me to do. It is not an easy process, but it has been so worth it for me. I believe you will feel the same as well.
The following verses helped me to understand that I must be WILLING to use the gifts he's given me, because he has a plan for those gifts. And I want to be a part of his plan.
Exodus 35:20-29 (New International Version, ©2010)
20 Then the whole Israelite community withdrew from Moses’ presence, 21 and everyone who was willing and whose heart moved them came and brought an offering to the LORD for the work on the tent of meeting, for all its service, and for the sacred garments. 22 All who were willing, men and women alike, came and brought gold jewelry of all kinds: brooches, earrings, rings and ornaments. They all presented their gold as a wave offering to the LORD. 23 Everyone who had blue, purple or scarlet yarn or fine linen, or goat hair, ram skins dyed red or the other durable leather brought them. 24 Those presenting an offering of silver or bronze brought it as an offering to the LORD, and everyone who had acacia wood for any part of the work brought it. 25 Every skilled woman spun with her hands and brought what she had spun—blue, purple or scarlet yarn or fine linen. 26 And all the women who were willing and had the skill spun the goat hair. 27 The leaders brought onyx stones and other gems to be mounted on the ephod and breastpiece. 28 They also brought spices and olive oil for the light and for the anointing oil and for the fragrant incense. 29 All the Israelite men and women who were willing brought to the LORD freewill offerings for all the work the LORD through Moses had commanded them to do.
Exodus 35:30-35 (New International Version, ©2010)
30 Then Moses said to the Israelites, “See, the LORD has chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, 31 and he has filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills— 32 to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, 33 to cut and set stones, to work in wood and to engage in all kinds of artistic crafts. 34 And he has given both him and Oholiab son of Ahisamak, of the tribe of Dan, the ability to teach others. 35 He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as engravers, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen, and weavers—all of them skilled workers and designers.
Exodus 36:2-3 (New International Version, ©2010)
2 Then Moses summoned Bezalel and Oholiab and every skilled person to whom the LORD had given ability and who was willing to come and do the work. 3 They received from Moses all the offerings the Israelites had brought to carry out the work of constructing the sanctuary. And the people continued to bring freewill offerings morning after morning.
I have learned recently in my Bible reading that it is not enough to simply posses these gifts. We need to use them. To be more exact, we need to be WILLING to allow God to use the gifts he's given us in whatever way he chooses. I know for myself, I have spent decades holding back from using some specific gifts fearing that I was not worthy, or good enough to use those gifts. Taking the first step of acknowledging the gifts we posses can be scary enough, let alone actually putting them to use. Enter God and friends. Without the healing I've experienced through placing my trust in Jesus and the support of a few true friends, I wouldn't have been able to break through those mental and emotional barriers I had built up throughout my life. God, through his grace and mercy has shown me that HIS plan for my life is better than anything I could ever accomplish on my own. And when I feel that he is asking me to do something, no matter how scary, it is BETTER to follow his will . . . because I trust him. I trust in HIM more than in myself.
I know that he sees everything while I am only capable of seeing what is in the present. So, the key to his plan being fulfilled in my life, is to continually seek and follow his will in the present, because that is all I can do. And how wonderful is it that God is always good, always faithful and all powerful.
When I feel afraid of moving forward or am at a loss as to where or how to begin, I turn to his word and time with him. I ask for his wisdom and guidance and he reveals to me moment by moment, day by day, what he wants me to do. It is not an easy process, but it has been so worth it for me. I believe you will feel the same as well.
The following verses helped me to understand that I must be WILLING to use the gifts he's given me, because he has a plan for those gifts. And I want to be a part of his plan.
Exodus 35:20-29 (New International Version, ©2010)
20 Then the whole Israelite community withdrew from Moses’ presence, 21 and everyone who was willing and whose heart moved them came and brought an offering to the LORD for the work on the tent of meeting, for all its service, and for the sacred garments. 22 All who were willing, men and women alike, came and brought gold jewelry of all kinds: brooches, earrings, rings and ornaments. They all presented their gold as a wave offering to the LORD. 23 Everyone who had blue, purple or scarlet yarn or fine linen, or goat hair, ram skins dyed red or the other durable leather brought them. 24 Those presenting an offering of silver or bronze brought it as an offering to the LORD, and everyone who had acacia wood for any part of the work brought it. 25 Every skilled woman spun with her hands and brought what she had spun—blue, purple or scarlet yarn or fine linen. 26 And all the women who were willing and had the skill spun the goat hair. 27 The leaders brought onyx stones and other gems to be mounted on the ephod and breastpiece. 28 They also brought spices and olive oil for the light and for the anointing oil and for the fragrant incense. 29 All the Israelite men and women who were willing brought to the LORD freewill offerings for all the work the LORD through Moses had commanded them to do.
Exodus 35:30-35 (New International Version, ©2010)
30 Then Moses said to the Israelites, “See, the LORD has chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, 31 and he has filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills— 32 to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, 33 to cut and set stones, to work in wood and to engage in all kinds of artistic crafts. 34 And he has given both him and Oholiab son of Ahisamak, of the tribe of Dan, the ability to teach others. 35 He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as engravers, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen, and weavers—all of them skilled workers and designers.
Exodus 36:2-3 (New International Version, ©2010)
2 Then Moses summoned Bezalel and Oholiab and every skilled person to whom the LORD had given ability and who was willing to come and do the work. 3 They received from Moses all the offerings the Israelites had brought to carry out the work of constructing the sanctuary. And the people continued to bring freewill offerings morning after morning.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Provision and Faithfulness
I would like to share a story of God's provision in my life. I have, once again, been provided for, by God. He is FAITHFUL, abundant and merciful.
On December 10th I took a trip home to visit my family in PA. My father had been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and we were not sure how much time he had left. I wanted to be there and spend time with him and help my family in any way possible. I ended up staying for 3 weeks. It was only the 2nd Christmas my children and I had spent with my family in the last 12 years. It was very special to me to be there with my family but, my heart was heavy to think that this would be the one the kids would remember. Reading God's word and spending time in prayer each day, was the only thing that kept me sane. Each day, GOD showed up, faithfully strengthening me, encouraging me and loving me. THANK YOU GOD . . . thank you so much.
After about a week of being home, I had a conversation with my manager about what to expect financially so that I could be prepared. She told me to plan on not getting paid, since I did not have any sick or vacation days left. I didn't know how I was going to pay rent when I returned, or how I would buy food for us. Again, I clung to God's word each day and to the promise that he would provide as he has so many times before.
I had shared this with my friend Robin and she encouraged me, telling me that I had good friends and a good support system and reassuring me of God's faithfulness. She told me that she already had an amount in her mind and heart that she knew she would contribute. Her friendship, love and willingness meant so much to me and I knew that God WOULD provide.
When we landed in Phoenix, my ex-husband met us at the airport to get the kids. He handed me a check and said that he happened to get 3 paychecks this month and wanted to give me an extra 'support' check. I was beside myself. God was coming through. Thanks to the obedience and generosity of people in my life, I was being provided for. After he and the kids left, my friend Wes gave me a ride home. The conversation in the car was tearful and very open. It was so good to talk with him about everything that had happened during my visit. When I got home he gave me a visa gift card to help out with food and what not. I told him the same thing I had told my ex. That this was an answered prayer and that God was providing. I was overwhelmed with gratitude.
With these contributions I ended up being about $600 short of what I would have had if I had received normal paychecks. I was thinking about how I could cut back or who I could call to postpone payment for a month. Then, something amazing happened. God, in his abundance and mercy, provided more than I needed.
While in PA I received a text message from a friend that volunteers at our church's information desk. She simply said that there was an envelope for me at the front desk. The Sunday after my return, I went to the desk and they handed me a plain white envelope with my name typed on the front. Inside there was a blank piece of paper and cash. I was stunned. I had to sit down. I couldn't believe it. I sat in the worship center crying as I counted out one thousand dollars. What an AMAZING, FAITHFUL GOD. I have no idea who gave the money, but I do know that they are obedient and will be blessed for it. Not only did God replace the wages I would have earned, he also provided enough for me to start a small emergency fund for me and the kids. I am so incredibly GRATEFUL and HUMBLED by everything that happened.
Praise be to God and thank you , thank you, thank you to those who were generous and willing in their giving.
My father is going through aggressive combination chemo-therapy and we are grateful for every moment we have to talk with each other. What I have written above speaks only of God's financial provision during this time. He has also blessed me beyond measure in my relationship with my father and I will share that with you in another post.
God provides and he loves. I continue to seek HIS will for my life.
Thanks for letting me share this with you. Love and blessings.
On December 10th I took a trip home to visit my family in PA. My father had been diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and we were not sure how much time he had left. I wanted to be there and spend time with him and help my family in any way possible. I ended up staying for 3 weeks. It was only the 2nd Christmas my children and I had spent with my family in the last 12 years. It was very special to me to be there with my family but, my heart was heavy to think that this would be the one the kids would remember. Reading God's word and spending time in prayer each day, was the only thing that kept me sane. Each day, GOD showed up, faithfully strengthening me, encouraging me and loving me. THANK YOU GOD . . . thank you so much.
After about a week of being home, I had a conversation with my manager about what to expect financially so that I could be prepared. She told me to plan on not getting paid, since I did not have any sick or vacation days left. I didn't know how I was going to pay rent when I returned, or how I would buy food for us. Again, I clung to God's word each day and to the promise that he would provide as he has so many times before.
I had shared this with my friend Robin and she encouraged me, telling me that I had good friends and a good support system and reassuring me of God's faithfulness. She told me that she already had an amount in her mind and heart that she knew she would contribute. Her friendship, love and willingness meant so much to me and I knew that God WOULD provide.
When we landed in Phoenix, my ex-husband met us at the airport to get the kids. He handed me a check and said that he happened to get 3 paychecks this month and wanted to give me an extra 'support' check. I was beside myself. God was coming through. Thanks to the obedience and generosity of people in my life, I was being provided for. After he and the kids left, my friend Wes gave me a ride home. The conversation in the car was tearful and very open. It was so good to talk with him about everything that had happened during my visit. When I got home he gave me a visa gift card to help out with food and what not. I told him the same thing I had told my ex. That this was an answered prayer and that God was providing. I was overwhelmed with gratitude.
With these contributions I ended up being about $600 short of what I would have had if I had received normal paychecks. I was thinking about how I could cut back or who I could call to postpone payment for a month. Then, something amazing happened. God, in his abundance and mercy, provided more than I needed.
While in PA I received a text message from a friend that volunteers at our church's information desk. She simply said that there was an envelope for me at the front desk. The Sunday after my return, I went to the desk and they handed me a plain white envelope with my name typed on the front. Inside there was a blank piece of paper and cash. I was stunned. I had to sit down. I couldn't believe it. I sat in the worship center crying as I counted out one thousand dollars. What an AMAZING, FAITHFUL GOD. I have no idea who gave the money, but I do know that they are obedient and will be blessed for it. Not only did God replace the wages I would have earned, he also provided enough for me to start a small emergency fund for me and the kids. I am so incredibly GRATEFUL and HUMBLED by everything that happened.
Praise be to God and thank you , thank you, thank you to those who were generous and willing in their giving.
My father is going through aggressive combination chemo-therapy and we are grateful for every moment we have to talk with each other. What I have written above speaks only of God's financial provision during this time. He has also blessed me beyond measure in my relationship with my father and I will share that with you in another post.
God provides and he loves. I continue to seek HIS will for my life.
Thanks for letting me share this with you. Love and blessings.
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