I'm a worrier by nature. I want things to be just right and I want others to be happy and that can tend to lead to unnecessary worry on my part. I often times feel that I can never do or be good enough. It's that perfectionism trap that I find myself constantly avoiding over the past few years. I really struggled with the concept of not earning God's love. I believed that if I did everything right, I would receive his blessings. A+B=C. :) Well, turns out, it doesn't work that way. All this time I've been suffering over this notion that I had to earn my salvation. Now I know and understand that it is a gift that we only need receive.
The big difference is that while I still try to do my best to follow his will for my life, I am able to accept his forgiveness when I mess up. He knows my heart, choices and thoughts and he LOVES me despite all of it. I just needed to learn to love myself through it. No person is perfect. We are just trying our best, which is greatly enhanced when we add his love, mercy and grace.
I remind myself daily that the worries I have are self inflicted. He has shown me such great faithfulness and love. I know that he will take care of me and my needs. He always has. So, now when I start to worry about something, I tell myself, 'He's got this." I don't need to worry, because I know he's already on it. My focus is just obedience. I want to be ready to play my part in his plan. It's an active, not passive role. I stand at the ready for when he calls me to move. Sometimes scared and sometimes excited. Either way, I can rest assured that he's in control.
Thank you God for your faithfulness and love. You give more than I deserve. I love you.
Amen
